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Understanding must come before advice

Updated: Dec 5, 2023

When your partner is upset it is very tempting to try and quickly solve their problem by giving advice on what they should do. However, doing this can send the wrong message - that is, that your partner is not capable of coming up with the clever solution you've just thought of.


When this happens, it is helpful to think about what you would like if you are upset or have a problem. Most of the time we want someone to understand that we are upset and why we are upset. We want someone to listen to us. To really listen. Problem solving can come later once we have felt heard. So, try to give your partner some space to share their hurt, listen and reflect back that you understand that they are hurt. This will help build your trust and emotional connection too, and help your partner feel that you are there for them.



Disclaimer: This post is for informational and educational purposes only. It should not be taken as counselling/therapy advice or used as a substitute for such. You should always speak to your own counsellor.

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