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'Destiny' or 'Growth' Relationship Mindsets

Updated: Dec 5, 2023


Which camp do you fall in? 'Soulmates' OR 'We can grow together'? Or a bit of both? This is no small question. Your answer to that question can greatly influence how you view and experience your intimate relationships.


Destiny believers

If you believe that there is only one person for you - a soulmate or literally your destined 'other half' - you are more likely to spend energy and time looking for that person instead of cultivating and working on existing relationships. You might ask yourself "Is this my person?" or "Is this it?". People who hold more strongly in the idea of a soulmate are more likely to break up and have difficult relationships because they are looking for the 'perfect' person instead of working on the relationship and growing together.


Growth believers

In contrast to a destiny mindset, some people hold a "growth relationship" mindset. This includes expectations that a partner and relationship has the ability and capacity to develop and change over time, and that problems can be overcome if you work on it. You might ask yourself "How can I be a better partner?" or "How can we get closer?" If you are a growth believer, examine whether your relationship history can be learned from.


A bit of both?

Some people know that when they meet their special someone, that they have met 'The One'. But they also cultivate a growth mindset where they put the time and energy in to working on their relationship. These people may hold beliefs about destiny, but overall, hold more of a 'growth mindset' about their relationships.


OK, so I believe in soulmates. What do I do now?

You might want to examine how this belief is serving you. Look at your relationship history. Are there any patterns that keep repeating themselves? Might you be throwing in the towel too quickly if it becomes clear to you that this person is not 'The One'? Do you run when there is a minor bump in the road? Notice if there are any insights you can discern here that you can apply to future relationships. Remember: Flexibility, growth and compromise are signs of strength NOT weakness.


If you are unhappy in your current relationship, or feel stuck in not being able to find a partner, or you would like to optimise your relationship, you might want to seek additional support from specialist. Feel free to drop me a line or book in a free 5 min phone call to discuss.



Disclaimer: This post is for informational and educational purposes only. It should not be taken as counselling/therapy advice or used as a substitute for such. You should always speak to your own counsellor.

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