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Doing the work to maintain relational health

Updated: Dec 5, 2023

In long term relationships we know that working on your relationship is important and normal - it doesn't just magically happen by itself. Sometimes we can be holding on to myths that "if it was meant to be, it would be easy" or "relationships shouldn't take work". Going through cycles of disconnect and reconnection is normal, but we have to be intentional about the reconnect.

To work on our relationship, we have to be willing to look at what is on our side of the fence, and take responsibility for it. It also means taking responsibility for doing the work and being mindful of your relationship - maintaining it as a high priority in your life and not neglecting it. This implies a commitment to your partner and the relationship, a commitment to continual self- and relational improvement. If you are waiting to make a change once you see a change in your partner, you might be waiting a long time. Even a small change implemented on a regular basis, can make a big difference. This includes focusing on the positive and building up your emotional bank account - cultivating this through habits of being appreciative (and sharing your appreciations with each other), relational investment (including regular dates), turning towards bids for connection, physical affection and being emotionally available to each other.

And in the words of Yoda: "Do. Or do not. There is no try".

Disclaimer: This post is for informational and educational purposes only. It should not be taken as counselling/therapy advice or used as a substitute for such. You should always speak to your own counsellor.



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