There are some clear patterns which couples exhibit in happy relationships. The Gottman Institute identifies that intentionally incorporating these six aspects (partings, reunions, appreciation, affection, date nights and state of the union meetings) each week (totalling 6 hours each week) helps couples build a strong relationship. You might be looking at your schedule and thinking - where am I going to fit in 6 hours? Here is the thing - if your relationship is a priority, you will find the time. Its also spread out, so it's easier to chunk it across the week. To put this in context there are 168 hours in the week - and after sleep and work (allowing 8 for each), there are still 56 hours left. In honesty, its less about the actual hours, and more about the willingness to invest in the two of you as a couple. That time investment pays off long term as you feel more connected - and you recover more of the fun you had when you started off together as a couple.
Reflect on these:
What is going on in your partner's day today?
What is our ritual for say goodbye? Are we both happy with it?
How do we reconnect after we've been away from each other?
How am I showing my partner that I value him/her? Can I communicate my appreciation more?
Physical affection is a great de-stressor and connector. How can we be more intentional with our kissing, touching, hugging and cuddling?
Do we need to look at setting up regular date nights? Who will organise these? This is time for the two of us to connect, how will we set it up so we can focus on us?
A regular, weekly, check-in can be helpful to touch base on and make space for any relational issues that come up. Where can we allocate 20 minutes of uninterrupted and focused time to do a team check-in?
Disclaimer: This post is for informational and educational purposes only. It should not be taken as counselling/therapy advice or used as a substitute for such. You should always speak to your own counsellor.